Do drummers count as musicians ha ha! Aww c'mon we hang around with you long enough!
Anyway, Whats the diffence between a drummer and a drum machine?
A) You only need to beat the info into a drum machine once.
C'mon Stevie boy get that in the book.

Nice one buddy

Drummer jokes are a plenty really so here's a Bass player one....

Young lad goes for his 1st lesson and the Tutor looks at the old battered instrument with
only 3 strings on it and has a terrible time tuning it so much so that it takes up
almost all the entire lesson.

With only about 10 mins left he shows him the open string notes and gets
him to fret on the 5th fret 1st string..., "see you next week" says the lad.

2 days before his next lesson he rings to ask can he cancel..."why's that" the teacher says

"I've got a gig"

Tee hee

Ok no more drummers jokes boo hoo!

As I walked past the grave stones I heard an eerie sound, someone was playing some classical music backwards! "What's that sound?" I asked a passing Goth. "Oh that's Ludwig Van Beethoven's grave - it sounds like he's de-composing!"

THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ON A MUSICIAN'S TOUR BUS...

15. God, what a kick playing all those old Glenn Miller stock arrangements
14.. I love it when the trumpet players lay back like that...it makes playing drums so easy...
13. Wow, everyone played perfectly in tune all night long, again
12. The leader got all the tempos exactly right, again!
11. Why is that cigarette shaped so funny?
10. Should we go back for the drummer?
9. Checkmate!
8. Go roll 'em down the aisle all you want. They're only cymbals.
7. So, I just walked her home, kissed her goodnight, and came back to the bus.
6. No, the monitor mix was perfect. I just screwed up.
5. Why is there porno in the VCR?
4. Can you believe all the money we're getting?
3. Boy, I can't wait till we get to Hull!
2. No thanks, I don't want another beer.
1. YoDid anyone bother to tape Corrie?

Do I hit any chords here?

With tongue in Cheek ~ recognise any of these!!

The booking is definite

Your cheque's in the post

We can fix it in the mix

Your tickets are at the door

It sounds in tune to me

Yeah, it sounds fine at the back of the room

I know your mic is on I checked it myself

The roadie took care of it

She'll be backstage after the show

Yes, the spotlight was on you during your solo

The stage mix sounds just like the programme mix

The club will provide the PA and lights

I really love the band

We'll have it ready by tonight

We'll have lunch sometime

If it breaks, we'll fix it for free

The place was packed

We'll have you back next week

Don't worry, you'll be the headliner

It's on the truck

My last band had a record deal, but we broke up before recording the album

Someone will be there early to let you in

I've only been playing for a year

I've been playing for 20 years

We'll have flyers printed tomorrow

I'm with the band

The band drinks are free

You'll get your cut tonight

We'll supply someone for the door

You'll have no problem fitting that bass cabinet in the boot of your car

There'll be lots of roadies when you get there

It's totally compatible with your current programme

You'll have plenty of time for a soundcheck

This is one of Jimi's old Strats

We'll definitely come to the gig

You can depend on me

And there's more .......

What would a musician do if he won a million pounds?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

St. Peter's still checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?"

The man says, "I was a doctor."

St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?"

"I was a school teacher."

"Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?"

"I was a musician."

"Go around the side, up the 40 slippy steps, through the kitchen..."

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.

What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
"I didn't wake up this morning..."

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
1."One, two, three, one, two, three..."
2. None "Hey man, I just do sound."
3. One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and gaffer tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

Dear Abby,
I think my wife is cheating on me.

I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I ask her who called she gets evasive. Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way. I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry.

A mate of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my wife and some guy have been to his gigs. He wanted to borrow my guitar amp. That's when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really happening. I said, "Sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the gig and see if she comes into the venue and who she comes in with." He agreed.

Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall JCM800 half stack to get a good view. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as brightly as the other three. Is this something I can fix myself or do I need to take it to a technician?

Thanks,
Very Concerned

Three notes walk into a bar...

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.

The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenors as patrons, and the soprano is out in the bathroom, everything has become altoo much treble; he needs a rest, and closes the bar

I dont believe it, these must be the worst jokes ever!!!!!

What do you get if you throw a Piano down a mine shaft?

answer: Another piano!

That's why I left the marching band....that piano was really awkward to carry!

Okay I will give you that, it was funny (ish)....
he he

How do you tell if the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling from both sides of his mouth...

•... "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"

..."Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."

Oh come on...that's funny!!

Ah come on Allibro....Drummers do get some stick
Is it because they're Cymbal minded !

Doh!!!!! you've got me at it now

Remember leave Drummers alone!!!

I don't want to hear people telling tired old Drummer gags
like the little lad tells his Dad that when he grows up
he wants to be a drummer...."You can't do both" said his dad

No I won't have it!

Did you hear about the female drummer?

That kit was spotless!

Tee Hee

Hey, nothing wrong with a clean kit!!

O.k , O.k Female drummers amnesty

The left pedal is for the Hi-Hats dear ....luckily there
is no reverse!

Oooohpps !

Famous females drummers.....mmm tricky one that????

Karen Carpenter and......... over to you

Gina Schock-Go Go's
Shiela E
Stephanie Eulinberg-Kid Rock's - Twisted Brown Trucker Band
Debbi Peterson-Bangles...

oh eat your words MR!! ha ha

I am sure there are more though!

Oh...

and am loving Ida Maria at the moment...although she isn't drumming on her vid for 'I like you so much better when your naked'...

she is a great drummer and all round musician.

When you say all round....does she have a weight problem?

Famous Female drummers.....

Erica Delaney

Bev-erley Bevan

Phillipa Collins

Rosie Powell

Shirley Watts

and Alli Bro..!!!!!

Oh dear, I think you need to work on your humour!!! lol

Just remind me....which bone is that?

Oh yes....my funny bone! tee hee

Back to your para diddles young lady!

What's the difference between a Jazz guitarist and a Rock guitarist???

Well a Rock guitarist plays 3 chords in front of thousands of people......

That's the trouble with Jazz guitarists.....they're to augmentative !!

Touche Jango!

Oooopsss

I've done that gag before ???

Nurse !

O.K this is a new one....

Did you hear about the Blues guitarist that had an accident?
He ended up in A and E.

Please yourselves!